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The Rose Garden

My fraternal grandmother always wanted a daughter. She kept having boys and when she finally had a girl, she was stillborn. My grandmother could not handle the trauma of another pregnancy gone wrong and started birth control, which was not permitted in her faith. All her sons chose lives that did not permit children. Yet, my mother, who was meant to be sterile from two rounds of chemotherapy and already had one miracle baby from a previous relationship, fell pregnant with me. My parents say I look and act so much like my grandmother. Sometimes we entertain the idea that perhaps I was the little girl my grandmother was meant to have. She died of lung cancer just before I turned 13. She never got to watch me become a woman. I'm not a religious person, but my grandmother was. I know that she would have given anything to be at my wedding. So, I want to bring my wedding to her. I want to have the ceremony in the memorial garden where she has a rose bush growing in her memory. I want one of her roses in my bridal bouquet so she can walk with me down the aisle. And, I want our theme to be dark gray satin (the groom's favorite color), white pearls, and pink roses (my favorite color and a flower special to us). I did not pick roses with grandma in mind, but it's almost as if it's something she did. 🌹